If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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