You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
