Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Rumble strips road head = magical
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
