Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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