I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
