I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
