i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
