i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
