I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I could make wine with my vomit
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
