I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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