u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
