and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
