So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
