I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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