My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
