I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
