i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
