from now on my penis is your penis
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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