I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
