yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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