I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
