Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
