god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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