I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
