She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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