i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
