Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
