i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
