what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
