My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
