So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize