im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
