Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
