He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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