I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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