HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
a search helicopter?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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