Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
