Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
