Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
