i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize