carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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