whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
