i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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