i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
