i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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