i think i have herpe
just one?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
