I didn't shave. On purpose
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
