1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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