just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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