I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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