Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
