so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.