I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
