I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was confusing and full of hummus
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
