I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
