LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
