Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
