dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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