eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
