You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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