my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
