What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
