I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
