just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
